I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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