Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
