I seem to have left my pride at pride
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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