the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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