When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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