My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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