New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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