I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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