remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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