I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
