He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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