I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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