i wish there were pregnant emoticons
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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