Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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