Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I won the penis lottery.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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