Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
