I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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