dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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