hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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