You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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