i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
