eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
