Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
