We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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