I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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