Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
