she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize