I am in a vortex of obligation.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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