I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
