Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
