i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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