you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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