I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
