yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
