oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
