You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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