They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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