I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
