Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
