Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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