it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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