We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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