I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
