just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
