just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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