yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
