Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
