I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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