I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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