I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
