you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
