Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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