So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
