My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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