Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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