My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
