i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
