brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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