I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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