If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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