the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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