I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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