Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
