Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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