So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize