Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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