saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
