Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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