Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize