standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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