my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
