and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
