I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
