then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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