Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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