it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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